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treking
Wasn't Born To Follow
United Kingdom
5536 Posts |
 Posted - 11/07/2007 : 18:20:00
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I say, I say-----
I met a bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen.
I thought thats Abboriginal
Trek
We are here for Dusty.
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treking
Wasn't Born To Follow
United Kingdom
5536 Posts |
 Posted - 11/07/2007 : 22:55:24
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Any more to brighten up our days and bring out the sunshine 
One more from me--
I phoned the local gym and asked if they could teach me how to do the splits.
He said how flexible are you?
I said I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.
Trek
We are here for Dusty. |
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marg
Sweet Inspiration
2686 Posts |
Posted - 13/07/2007 : 10:13:43
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An Aussie pilot was contacted by air traffic control for his height and position.
He replied "I'm 5'11" and sitting in the front seat".
marg x
Oh tell me why,I don't like Mondays The Springfields! |
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TMAK
Wasn't Born To Follow
USA
5116 Posts |
Posted - 14/07/2007 : 00:00:14
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Doctor: You only have six months to live.
Man: I can't pay the bill.
Doctor: Alright, I'll give you another six months.
TMak |
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sparkie
Wishing And Hoping
United Kingdom
524 Posts |
Posted - 16/07/2007 : 01:36:33
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There's a Japanese firm that has developed a camera with a shutter speed so fast it can actually catch an Aussie with his mouth shut. 
---oo0oo---
An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida, his wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email, unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address, he did his best to type it from memory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint; at the sound her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen.....
DEAREST WIFE...
JUST GOT CHECKED IN...
EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW...
P.S.
SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE. |
Edited by - sparkie on 16/07/2007 01:45:16 |
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MattMidd1
Wishing And Hoping
United Kingdom
570 Posts |
Posted - 16/07/2007 : 12:21:31
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OMG!! HAHAHAHA!!
Matt. |
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treking
Wasn't Born To Follow
United Kingdom
5536 Posts |
Posted - 05/08/2007 : 13:16:57
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I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener.
I said "You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana".
He said "No , this is for the custard"
Trek
We are here for Dusty. |
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Carole R.
Higher and Higher
United Kingdom
13118 Posts |
Posted - 20/08/2007 : 23:23:37
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A friend of mine being wheeled down the hospital corridor to theatre.
Suddenly sees a notice on the wall 'Guard Dogs Operating Here'..
Well, I know the NHS is running out of surgeons, but that's ridiculous...
Carole xx |
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Carole R.
Higher and Higher
United Kingdom
13118 Posts |
Posted - 20/08/2007 : 23:28:37
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I say I say I say...
Maude and Harry on their wedding night:
Maude says"I think I should confess that I was once a *hooker"
Harry with some surprise says " You'd better tell me abit more about this".
Maude replies "Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan"
Carole xx* A hooker is a position in the game of rugby* |
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Sara
Higher and Higher
United Kingdom
8973 Posts |
Posted - 21/08/2007 : 00:15:44
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Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines." "What did you do?" the other nuns asked. "Well, of course I threw them in the trash." The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked. "I poked holes in all of them!" she replied. The third nun fainted.
Sara x |
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Carole R.
Higher and Higher
United Kingdom
13118 Posts |
Posted - 21/08/2007 : 00:20:46
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Cxx |
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Brian
Something Special
United Kingdom
1841 Posts |
Posted - 21/08/2007 : 08:21:52
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Wey Ling was a 19 year old Chinese girl who got married to So Long who was just 21. Being both inexperienced virgins on the wedding night Wey Ling undressed and got into bed, So Long turned off the light, undressed and got in beside her.
'You tell me wha yo want' said So Long, and I'll try to oblige.
'Ah' said Wey Ling - 'I heard of '69'
....'You want garlic chicken and steamed rice'? said So Long 
Brian |
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marg
Sweet Inspiration
2686 Posts |
Posted - 21/08/2007 : 10:34:52
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marg x |
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Sara
Higher and Higher
United Kingdom
8973 Posts |
Posted - 21/08/2007 : 12:07:53
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LOL!
Sara x |
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Mark
Sweet Inspiration
United Kingdom
2688 Posts |
Posted - 21/08/2007 : 17:14:17
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LOL, LOL, LOL, and more LOL!.......the above jokes are great!
Wish I was imaginative enough to think of a few decent ones, instead of goddam awful ones like the one about a Fish that went into a Supermarket and asked for a packet of Human fingers......I know!....awful!!
Mark |
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Motown Diva
Moderator
United Kingdom
654 Posts |
Posted - 25/04/2008 : 19:12:07
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I think I may revive this thread folks, as the above jokes are ace n I would love to hear more!!!
Ok here's one for you...
A t.v. and an aerial met, fell in love, and then got engaged.The marriage ceromony was terrible.........but the reception was great!
xXx |
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Motown Diva
Moderator
United Kingdom
654 Posts |
Posted - 25/04/2008 : 19:16:12
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....here's another one...
I was reading a book the other day called, "The History of Glue"....I just couldn't put it down!
xXx |
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Motown Diva
Moderator
United Kingdom
654 Posts |
Posted - 25/04/2008 : 19:26:56
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....and another...you may have heard it before, but hey!
Patient (sounding distressed): Doctor, Doctor, I can't stop singing the Green Green Grass Of Home.
Doctor: Calm down sir, you don't need to worry, I know exactly what is wrong with you...(pauses)... you've got Tom Jones Syndrome.
Patient (relieved): Oh right, is it common?
Doctor: It's Not Unusual!
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Paul-Dusty-fan
Wishing And Hoping
United Kingdom
104 Posts |
Posted - 25/04/2008 : 22:47:24
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Blonde girl goes to the Doctors.
Dr says "how can i help you???"
Blonde says "well Dr it like this, i hurt all over."
Dr says "show me where it hurts."
Blonde touches her legs, her arm, her face, etc.
Dr says "you have a broken finger".
Katys No1 fan. |
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Sara
Higher and Higher
United Kingdom
8973 Posts |
Posted - 25/04/2008 : 23:02:55
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LMAO! They're great!
Sara x |
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Carole R.
Higher and Higher
United Kingdom
13118 Posts |
Posted - 25/04/2008 : 23:50:31
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Thanks, I needed that...
Carole R xx |
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Its a joke
