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TMAK
Wasn't Born To Follow
USA
5152 Posts |
 Posted - 06/05/2008 : 23:59:22
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PET RULES
(To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.)
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not stake a claim for it, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to
Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes,
stay off the furniture. (That's why they
call it 'fur'niture)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, they are
adopted children who are short, hairy, walk
on all fours and don't speak clearly.
Remember:
Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
TMak
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Sara
Higher and Higher
United Kingdom
9298 Posts |
Posted - 07/05/2008 : 00:09:04
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LMAO!
Awwwww, I love this bit:
quote:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to
Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes,
stay off the furniture. (That's why they
call it 'fur'niture)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, they are
adopted children who are short, hairy, walk
on all fours and don't speak clearly.
Sara x |
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Brian
Sweet Inspiration
United Kingdom
2044 Posts |
 Posted - 07/05/2008 : 08:59:24
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[quote]Originally posted by TMAK
PET RULES
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to
Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes,
stay off the furniture. (That's why they
call it 'fur'niture)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, they are
adopted children who are short, hairy, walk
on all fours and don't speak clearly.
Remember:
Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
This is SO true
We too have 'rules'....our dogs make them!
1. I will bark at Mick next door as know matter what YOU say - I don't like him
2. Dinner is to be served at regular set times, although we expect tit-bits at regular times throughout the day.
3. The gravel driveway looks nice, but you DID put it there for me to scratch and cover the garden with it didn't you?
4. I DO NOT cock my leg just anywhere...I just do my gymnastics when I feel the need.
5. It's no good being jealous..you can't lick there...like me
6. We like chocolate and refute the theory it's bad for us.
Brian. |
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Motown Diva
Moderator
United Kingdom
941 Posts |
Posted - 07/05/2008 : 11:16:14
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TMAK, well what can I say about your post...genius! I think that they are all so true! I think that some of these rules need to be reinforced in my household though, as my rescue dog Jet thinks he owns the house. Don't get me wrong,he is the softest dog you could ever meet- expect if you are the milkman.
I like what you say about liking pets better than some people- indeed, they are always there when you need them, and also give you love and affection in return.
Emz xXx
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reputation
Something Special
United Kingdom
1350 Posts |
Posted - 07/05/2008 : 12:15:45
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Great post Tere, very funny.
And MotownDiva, you still have milkmen? I haven't seen one around for years! |
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Motown Diva
Moderator
United Kingdom
941 Posts |
Posted - 07/05/2008 : 14:22:36
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Crikey! Yep, we still have our milkman. His name is Mick.Rep, our street is like the scene out of Oliver! sometimes you know- 'Who Will Buy?' we have someone for practically everything!
Emma- NOT going to be Nancy!
xXx |
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treking
Wasn't Born To Follow
United Kingdom
5670 Posts |
Posted - 07/05/2008 : 22:38:39
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How true all the rules are. Love the notice for non pet owners too
Pets always give unconditional love and cats especially are so laid back.
Trek
Also known as Carole. |
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Pet Rules
